Saturday, February 21, 2009

If You Want It, Let It Go

While running the other day I heard a song on my Ipod by a band called Day of Fire. The song was Detainer. It had a chorus, that said over and over "If You Want It, If You Want It, If You Want It, Let It Go". I can't remember most of the other lyrics, but the chorus tempo was good for a 7 mph run. Hearing it over and over again got me to thinking about relinquishing things that are out of my control over to God.

Looking back at different periods of my life, I realize that when I "thought" I was in control, those were the most destructive and stagnant times in my life. Don't get me wrong, some of them were fun and free, but I didn't really move forward in my relationships, my career or my marriage. But when I realize that most parts of life really aren't in my control and let them unfold naturally, I see rewards overflow.

Take work for example; I'm a salesman and l can honestly say that I am pretty good at it. When I start gearing up for a goal and start looking at everyone as the next sale and start thinking about what I'm going to do with the money i'll make on the deal before they even agree, usually those deals don't go the way I expected. I move on to the next one and do the same thing with more force because I know if I don't sell the next customer, I might miss the goal and so on. But when I let it go by taking a step back and just expose my business or product to more and more people, as more of a tour guide and don't focus on "Closing" them, calls start coming in to me to do business. Those new exposures turn around much quicker and ones that have been on the table awhile seem to fall into place.

It's easy to see in your marriage or in your relationships with your kids. If you want them to change or do something different from the norm, and you tell them over and over what they are doing wrong and that you want them to change a particular behavior, it never fails that your relationship grows apart and disdain for each other starts to show its ugly face. However, if you express your opinion once and don't press the issue, but turn it over to God, pray about it and let it go, you either come to the realization that maybe you were making a bigger deal about it in the first place or sometimes, miraculously, your children or spouse come around to your way of thinking on their own.

I have found that when business wasn't going well and bills were tight and I focused so hard on how I was going to fix it, I got depressed and started to believe that it was useless to try and felt like giving up. On the other hand, when I let it go and just kept doing what I knew needed to be done and didn't focus on it, things turned around. Opportunities would present themselves, bill collectors would call and settle for less than I owed, insurance that I didn't think would cover something took care of the largest portion.

Control is an illusion that we, with our grandiose ideas, have bought into. We have so called gurus telling us that we have the power within us to control our own destiny in order to sell their books. We buy into it and when it doesn't work, we buy the next book or audio cd that will have the right answer, only to find we are still failures. It's an endless circle that makes many people millions of dollars each year. 

Trying to control your life is like fighting through a storm in a boat, at some time you realize it's better to let go of the rudder for your own safety and that of your passengers. Don't let your ego get in the way of your life.

I don't believe we should just float around like feathers in the movie Forest Gump and just see what happens in all areas of life, but I know that when we focus so hard on getting something right and fear failure, we usually let ourselves down.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Ask yourself, Am I an encourager?

I mean, what kind of an effect do I have on people that I know and meet? Is the room brighter after I leave because the impact I had, or is it darker? We've all met people that can suck the life out of others.

As a leader, part of my job is to encourage and lift up those around me. You can think about it like everyone having a bucket that starts empty each day. As they get positive input, their bucket gets filled up. When their bucket is full it overflows and they too, become encouragers. On the other hand, when they receive negative comments and feedback or sarcasm, their bucket gets emptier.  So, what about you? Are you a bucket filler or a bucket dipper?

Maybe a simple comment on a piece of clothing or jewelry. Maybe just showing a slight interest in the person. People are hurting and are under a lot of stress these days. When we stand in line at the grocery store, are we so focused on ourselves and getting out of there and making frustrating sounds when the line isn't moving fast enough, or do we take a moment to look around us, at the people in line or maybe the cashier and get an idea of how their day might be going.

Telling the checker that you could never do her job and stay so calm when the lines get so long and people start to get irritated, might give them a brief moment of connection. Maybe the women in front of you looks like they took a little extra time to throw their look together and, if your a guy, you can comment by saying something about how your wife or girlfriend would love whatever it is you find stylish. If your a women, it's easy enough to just offer the compliment without it seeming like flirting.

When you introduce someone to another, do you just say this is my friend so and so? How about the next time you introduce two people, tell them each something positive about each other. It may seem strange, but If I were to say "This is my friend John, we've known each other for over 10 years. If you ever need work done around your house, this is the guy to call. I've seen him create awesome decks, basements, kitchens, you name it. If it requires a tool belt, this is your guy. I mean, I like to build stuff, but he really knows how to make it look good."

How do you think your friend John would feel? What would the person you introduced him to feel like?  John's bucket would be getting filled and the other person would see the respect you have for him and maybe learn something about him that might not come up in basic conversation. 

I know that i'm not the best at this and definitely fall into the selfish, what about me attitude sometimes, but when I make a conscious effort to lift someone up, I see the positive effect that it has on them in the moment, and possibly the rest of the day. It also has a "pay-it-forward" effect on others they interact with throughout the day. I also know how it makes me feel.

So give it a try. As you go about your day, look up around you and notice people. You will find that as you become a bucket filler, people around you will begin to fill your bucket as well.