What does it mean to be a real man?

At a very early age, boys are exposed to things that set them up for some tough times and even failure throughout their lives. Things that will affect them to the core of their being and have a deep impact in their relationships, careers and marriages.

Most guys can remember when they were young and at some point those words "Man Up!" or "Be a Man!" were said to them. What's important is when they were said. It was most likely during a moment of weakness or vulnerability and either their father, older brother, coach or someone else in a position of influence, made them feel as though getting emotional or having feelings wasn't okay. Saying things like; Why are you crying?, Men don't cry., It doesn't hurt, walk it off., Quit your whining!, or you'll never be good enough if you don't man up and fight your way through it.

From the first day on the playground boys see that the more athletic you are, or how strong you are is what defines you as a man. Weaker boys are made fun of and belittled in front of others. This sets the framework in the lives of those that they make fun of. They go through life wondering if God screwed up and didn't do something right when he made them. They wonder why are they good at things like Drama, Debate, Science or Art. Why aren't they strong and fast and have great hand-eye coordination. They struggle for years getting picked last in sports and feelings of inadequacy are implanted forever.

As boys get older and begin to think about girls, their lack of emotion make them believe that women are for pleasure, eye candy and trophies to show off. The more women, the better. With words like Pimps and Ho's and others I won't put in this blog, they're made to believe that it's okay to disrespect women.  The tough guys they see, walk away when it doesn't suit them any more, when it's not all about them or convenient. They talk about not getting respect and not having to put up with it.

In business it's about dominating others and getting where you need to, without worrying about who you destroy in your path. We separate are hearts, emotions and morals from our decision making process. Many of our "so called" role models in sports and hollywood are so caught up in their own greatness, that they don't see the people they destroy in their wake or worse yet, the people that they don't even know, who are looking up to them.

A "Real Man" is strong in his convictions, not his bench press. He doesn't belittle or make fun of the weak, he stands up for them against those who do. He spends time encouraging them and building into them the belief that they too can accomplish great things with the gifts that God has endowed them with. He's a mentor and leader who trains others to be great at whatever it is that drives them.

A "Real Man" takes responsibility, he doesn't walk away from his wife or girlfriend when things get tough. He would never leave his children fatherless, because his wife got on his nerves and made him feel weak. He knows when he's wrong and asks for forgiveness. 

A "Real Man" looks outside his own world, to those in need. He doesn't need to get something in return for the good he does. He certainly doesn't need a trophy or plaque to remind him how great he is or to hang on his wall for others to see. He's rewarded inside by knowing that he made a difference and thats all that matters.

I must say, that I was definitely not the right kind of man most of my life. I fell into the idea that it was all about me. Where I was weak, I found someone weaker to put down in order to make myself feel better. 

In the past 15 years, I met men that were different, not only in public but in private as well. I studied their success in relationships with other men, their businesses and their marriages. I wanted what they had and realized I had a long way to go. Having a 2 year old daughter made me realize that, what she saw growing up, would be similar to the man she would one day marry and she deserved the best.

See It, Believe It, Achieve It

In order to be successful, we of course have to have dreams and goals. Without them, there is no ambition or desire to be more then what we are. Thinking about something we want to have or achieve, however, isn't enough.

Many have heard of the story of the Harvard graduating class. They asked who had goals and how many of them had written them down. Only 3% had written them down and when they checked in on those 3% twenty years later, they were earning ten times as much as the other grads combined. First of all, the study didn't really exist other than in goal setting seminars and books, but in reality, since that story has been told for decades, other studies have been done that do show astonishing results.

So lets look at the reality of it all. If we do write down our goals or put pictures of things we desire or a lifestyle we hope to achieve one day on our refrigerator, it is no doubt going to keep us focused on them. We can go so far as to put ourselves in the goal by taking pictures of ourselves in that car we want or in front of the home we desire. We can have fun with it and put ourselves in any picture we want these days with computer software.

When we see ourselves in the picture often enough, it seems normal. Just like any other photo in our album. When you get nostalgic and look through your old photo albums, don't you start to relive the moments to the point where you actually feel younger or can remember how your were feeling at the time the photo was taken? 

So if seeing something often enough, helps our mind to believe that it is possible, why don't we all have dream boards around our homes and goal sheets in our pockets. I've personally seen such dream boards in the homes of millionaire associates of mine and seen folded up index cards in their wallets that have thirty or sixty day personal goals for health, business and other things they want. Each time they look in their wallet, they see the card. Sometimes they take it out, unfold it and read what it says usually to discover that they can cross something off as accomplished.

In order to achieve our goals we need to see them, either in writing or in picture form. When we see them often enough, we believe and it is only a matter of time till we accomplish them. It never fails to amaze me the stories I've heard from hundreds of people over the years and witnessed in my own life.

If you have a personal story, share it as a comment.

Forgiveness, Hope, Compassion and Gratitude

I find that the best way to live for me is to look back in forgiveness, forward in hope, down with compassion and up with gratitude. 

Forgive

Yesterday is gone and mistakes have been made and today may not look like you thought it would, but it's okay. If someone wronged you or stole your joy in the past, you need to forgive them and move on. You also have to forgive yourself for things you may have said or done or not done that have lead you to where you are. As important as our past is, because it defines who we are at this moment, it doesn't define who we will be tomorrow or next week or next year.

Be Hopeful

Tomorrow is a brand new day, we get to start all over again. We can plan better and focus more on the things we truly want to do so that we can achieve our dreams. Each day brings with it, opportunity. Opportunity to be more adventurous, more compassionate, more friendly, more understanding, more helpful and certainly more wealthy.

Show Compassion

Those around you that are less fortunate are people too. They have dreams and stories, families and desires for greatness. They are struggling under life's pressures and most likely just need a helping hand, an ear to listen and some guidance and assurance through a tough time. Be sure to treat them with dignity because you may find yourself in a similar place one day only to wonder why people are so mean and hateful.

Be Grateful

Our Creator wants the best for us. We were designed for greatness and it hurts Him so much, when we struggle. Especially when we don't look to Him for help. We can't do life alone, without the one who knows us best, the one who loved us first, the one that puts us above all other things and beings that were created. Look at your life everyday and acknowledge God's greatness in your life.

I believe in my heart that this is the only way to live and be joyful. There is no fear of the future when you know where you stand. When you put others first and focus on making the world around you a better place, you will be be blessed 100 times over.

Learning and educating yourself is a forever process.

At 44 years of age, I find myself with the desire to learn more than I ever have and with the technology we have today, there is no excuse for lack of knowledge.

It seems as though most people view learning as a period of life from say birth to college and then they are done. Statistically, less then 25% of people ever read a complete book after they graduate from school. I can't believe those figures especially when you research the truly successful people out there, and you realize 95% of them are constantly reading new books, attending workshops or seminars and researching ways to increase their business, better their relationships and increase the impact they have on the world around. Books on dealing with people help in sales, management, leadership or mentoring and running billion dollar companies. Even everyday, run of the mill employees working a mundane job can benefit from books like that. 

If we think we know it all or don't need to further our education constantly, I hate to say it, but we are wrong. We know that wisdom comes from life experience, but we can't possibly experience everything in life that there is in order to gain that wisdom? Doesn't it make more sense to gain wisdom through other peoples experiences. Now I don't mean living vicariously through others and never leaving home. When taking on a new business venture, we could just wing it and figure that if it fails, it's okay because we will have gained the wisdom from doing it wrong?  A great deal of time could be wasted learning the same lessons that those before could have warned us about. We don't have to get burned by a fire or a hot stove to know it is painful. 

As I said before, there is so much opportunity to learn just about anything we desire in so many ways. There are books to read and books on CD for people that have trouble finding time to read, but travel in their car a lot. The average car owner spends between 500 and 1000 hours in their car each year, which is the equivalent of a couple full time semesters in a university. Think about it, can we afford not to be listening to educational programs? The internet is an endless resource for FREE learning. There are endless informational sites, podcasts, webinars, teaching videos, you name it. Even television has some good things. I find myself learning from the history channel, Discovery, DIY (Do it yourself network)

Learning is not something that happens during a time period in your life, it should be your life. The more we learn, the more we grow as people. As we grow we truly experience life. We have better relationships with the people we love and those we may not yet know so well. Our eyes are opened to some of the real needs in our world and we become more compassionate. We quit making excuses for why we can't do more for others, and start strategizing ways to leverage our own efforts and resources and enjoy the experience of changing peoples lives.

If learning more will help you develop additional income by leveraging your time and energy, then you will have the additional time and energy you desire to pursue what really drives you, whatever it is. 

That's what living is really about.